It's Sunday.
4:17 PM.
I know the exact time because I've been staring at my phone for the past six hours.
TikTok, YouTube Shorts, Instagram Reels.
I don't even remember what I watched, just endless scrolling while lying in the same position I've been in since Friday night.
I haven't showered. Haven't eaten anything real. Haven't left my bed except to use the bathroom.
Oh, and want to know the worst part?
I'm not sick, I'm not injured, I'm not even depressed. I just... can't make myself get up.
My phone buzzes… a text from my sister.
"Want to grab coffee today?" I stare at the message.
Coffee sounds nice, seeing her sounds nice…
But the thought of getting out of bed, showering, getting dressed, driving somewhere, being "on"... It feels impossible.
Like trying to move a boulder with my bare hands.
I type back: "Not feeling great today"
She responds with a heart emoji.
And as I put my phone down, I feel the familiar wave of shame wash over me…
Because I'm not "not feeling great." I'm just stuck, and I don't know why.
This wasn't always me.
Three years ago, I was different.
I had a career I cared about, I made plans, I showed up to things.
I don't know exactly when it changed. It started slowly.
A weekend in bed here and there. "I just need to rest," I'd tell myself. "I've been working so hard."
Then it was every weekend, then random weekdays, then entire weeks.
And somewhere along the way, my bed stopped being a place I rested and became the only place I felt safe.
My husband started asking questions…
"You feeling okay? You've been in bed a lot lately."
"Yeah, just tired. I think I'm fighting something off." But I wasn't fighting anything off.
I was avoiding.
Avoiding the reality that I didn't recognize myself anymore.
I used to be someone who handled things, who got stuff done, who had energy and purpose.
Now I couldn't make myself do the most basic things.
Showering felt like a project, making food felt overwhelming, even responding to texts felt like too much.
And the more time I spent in bed, the more ashamed I felt.
Which made me want to stay in bed even more.
I told myself it was rest, that I just needed to recharge.
But rest is supposed to make you feel better…
Whereas I'd spend entire days in bed and wake up more exhausted than when I started.
My body felt heavy, my brain foggy, and even my thoughts moved like wading through mud.
I started Googling at 2 AM.
"Why can't I get out of bed but I'm not depressed"
"Too tired to do anything but not sick"
The results talked about depression, chronic fatigue, and burnout.
However none of it fit me, because I wasn't sad, nor crying, I was just... empty.
Then one night, I was scrolling Instagram at 11 PM, and I saw a post that stopped me.
"Bed rotting isn't rest… It's avoidance disguised as self-care. And you can't break free until you understand the pattern keeping you stuck."
I read it three times.
The post continued: "If getting out of bed feels physically impossible, you're not lazy. You're stuck in a shutdown pattern."
I clicked the comments, and saw several people saying the same thing.
"This is exactly what I've been doing for years."
"Getting out of bed feels like moving a mountain."
At the bottom it said: "Take this 1-minute quiz to discover your procrastination pattern."
Something inside of me made me click.
The quiz was short, just eight questions, but they went deeper than the usual surface stuff.
"Do you spend entire days in bed even though nothing is physically wrong?" Yes.
"Does getting out of bed feel impossible, not just hard?" Yes.
"Do you scroll for hours without remembering what you watched?" Yes.
I answered honestly, hit submit…
"The Avoidance Pattern"
Suddenly, everything made sense.
I wasn't lazy, I wasn't broken, I was simply stuck in an avoidance loop.
And for the first time in three years, I didn't feel like I was failing…
I felt understood.
The test was part of this app called SteadyMinds.
And here's what I learned:
My brain had learned that staying in bed – scrolling, numbing – felt safer than being present with the purposelessness I'd been feeling.
It wasn't rest, it was emotional shutdown disguised as rest.
And the more I did it, the more my brain reinforced it as "safe."
Which made getting out of bed feel harder and harder, until it felt physically impossible.
At first, the app gave me one tiny task to start:
"Tomorrow morning, sit up in bed for 30 seconds before reaching for your phone."
That's it, just sit up for 30 seconds.
That next morning, I felt the familiar pull to grab my phone.
But I remembered…
I sat up, looked around my room, and felt my feet on the floor.
Something shifted… just slightly.
The next day:
I did it.
The tasks kept coming.
Walk to the kitchen, drink water, make your bed, step outside for two minutes.
And slowly – so slowly I barely noticed – things started changing..
I woke up one morning and got out of bed without thinking about it.
I took a shower and realized I'd been humming.
I then texted my sister: "Coffee this week? I'm free."
Six weeks in, my husband looked at me over dinner.
"You seem lighter. Like you're actually here again."
He was right.
I had been missing from my own life.
Now sure, I'm not "cured."
Some mornings, staying in bed still feels easier.
But here's what's different: I understand the pattern now.
The pull to stay in bed isn't rest, it's avoidance.
And I know what I'm avoiding.
When I can see the pattern, I can interrupt it.
Not with willpower, but with one small step at a time.
If you've read this far, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
You spend entire days in bed.
Not because you're lazy or broken, but because you're stuck in an avoidance pattern, and you can't break free from a pattern you can't see.
That's what the quiz did for me.
It showed me my exact pattern.
And suddenly, everything made sense.
So, if you're tired of wasting days in bed too.
If you're sick of the shame.
If you want to understand why you can't just "get up"... take the quiz.
It's one minute, and it might just show you what you've been avoiding all along.